The Return of the Ginge!!!

So, as of last week, I’d not posted for a while and in my returning post I had said that my little thing with the most gorgeous Ginge was no longer a viable love avenue, famous last words!!!

Nipped out early doors last Thursday, just for one as you do, got in bladdered at 11.30. It had been a great night, all the faces were in the pub and it was one of those nights where everyone just enjoyed each others company, Pool, beer, wine, women and song…and Ginge.

Since our last encounter, we have become good friends, always share hug and a kiss on the cheek when we meet and shes confided in me as to things which are troubling her and causing her much anxiety. As always I’m strictly confidential and very supportive,  offering financial and emotional support but never heavy and pushing my feelings on her. 

Anyway, I wobbled through my door late on Thursday only to get a text from her telling me she was home ok after I had previously text to ask if she was. Next I get a text asking … Cuddles? Followed by…Nothing more…Well whats a man to do? Tell you what…I stopped eating the Bolognaise sauce straight out of the slow cooker, I’d put it in earlier with a view to having a quiet night with a decent meal, threw a t shirt on and wobbled back off up the road to her house where I found the front door slightly ajar awaiting my arrival. Ginge was in bed, slightly worse for wear.

So politely I asked to get in, fought with the multiple layers of bedding (why cant people just have duvets?) and snuggled in recieving a huge hug in return. My heart melted, the butterflies circled my stomach like dragons, I was happy, I was content, I was in the place I most want to be in the whole world. We talked, neither of us want a relationship, both of us have issues with trusting others and cant remove the barriers to letting someone else into our hearts. 

The night drifted in to early morning, still we talked, we spooned, I traced her bare back with my finger tips, ever so slightly, teasingly along her spine to the nape of her neck across her shoulders, my fingers ran delicately through her hair and as we spooned I kissed her neck and shoulders, seductively but not sexually. She moaned lightly and squirmed and passed comment that I did everything she loved, we kissed, again not sexually nor with the intent for it to progress further. It was just so right, just so perfect, just what I want, what I need, what I yearn for.

We drifted to sleep with our bodies till entwined until the alarm call sounded, we stirred and held each other tighter, her leg draped over mine, her face snug to my neck. Oh how I wish I could wake every day like that,  it makes my heart burn just typing this, it is so what I want, she is so what I want.

I left for work, leaving her with a tender kiss and a spring in my step as I joyfully took to the “walk of shame” No shame in it for me and I hope no regrets from her. We saw each other the following day, nothing was said, just pleasantries as she drank her Rose wine at the bar dressed to the nines in a dress before going to a wedding function. I couldnt take my eyes off her, she glowed, radiant with copper red hair, deep red lip gloss that shimmered invitingly for me to kiss, heels that elongated her legs allowing her to strike a demure posture, jewellery on her wrists that dangled to her hands, those hands which I long to hold,  long to have in mine.

I thought back to our conversations of the night before, how we spoke of our fondness of each other and the potential, not of a relationship, but of friends with benefits,  my offer to take her out and spoil her, not make a fuss, but let her enjoy a night that she deserves for being a fantastic mum, a hard worker and a truly beautiful lady. Ive said before in other posts of how hard I find it to talk to her about this in depth,  she just takes my breath away, I have no words that can make this happen.

I listen to this song, over and over and over…its her, it is, she is my Perfect Storm.

https://youtu.be/inAj-sbwP7I

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The Tunnel of Love

Strange one the Tunnel of Love, the Fun Boy Three song just sparked my imagination. So answers on a postcard to the following questions.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

If there is, why?

Should a tunnel of love not be lit with with soft romantic mood lighting?

Is there an end to the tunnel of love? Surely the end of one would signify the end of a relationship?

If you do see light at the end should you rush towards it or rush away?

Quite amazing what your mind can concoct on a wet Thursday afternoon.

“I Wanna Talk Tonight, Until the Morning Light”

“You and me see how we are, you and me see how we are”….Fooking love that song, one moody song!

Well no real developments on the Ginge front, although popped in the pub at lunch yesterday for a coffee after work and she was in, dud some tree felling for the land lady today, had a quick pint when I’d finished, blow me she came in. Cant complain as I do like to oggle at her, not in a weird way or anything but she is truly gorgeous but I’m starting to think that she’ll be starting to think Im stalking her. I did send a “Morning” text first thing that she’s not read. However,┬áand I dont know why I do this to myself, gotba possible date with J over the weekend, now she does text back ­čśë

Ive become a bit of a bugger for morning texts, I’m sure I’m not the only person that likes them, but I love recieving them as it sets me up for the day. I always send a good morning to a selection of friends each day, I hope it makes their day, it certainly makes me feel better for being nice to others.

As I now live on my own and have done now for nearly two years its still difficult to adjust to waking up on your own in an empty house. After a 17 year relationship, you get used to that first thing in the morning and last thing at night interaction. Well I say that but the number of times I slept on the settee or the spare room during those would make for an intersting comparison to establish the ratio of nights actually spent in the same bed. I remember getting 3 days of the silent treatment coupled with bunking down on the settee because as the junior fixture secretary for the Rugby club we were both involved with, I couldnt get her team a fixture at short notice due to a late cancellation of the original fixture. There were loads of other stupid incidents that also lead to the same silent treatment. Thinking about it, I may do a whole blog about them.

Back to the texting thing anyway, I spent 17 years of tucking the kids in bed and tearing my hair out trying to get them out of it in time for school as they got older. Nonetheless there was always someone there first thing in the morning, that first interaction of the day, granted some mornings they could set your day off in the wrong way, but still, human interaction. Due to the nature of my work as a self employed sports coach, some days would see me in 3 or 4 different schools, straight in teach, straight out, no real interaction. Then back home to an empty house and at the time no real close friends to meet up with.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A TEXT.

I’d started using Plenty of Fish and Zoosk, the dating sites, think Ive mentioned it in previous posts, so wont bang on about it. Strangely I found it opened a whole world of new people, some fucking odd ones, but I did meet one lady A, with whom we both clicked, loads of texting, bit of flirting, went on a few dates, bit of a snog but no further. She got me into watching box sets throughout the winter months, Game of Thrones and a couple of others. Just the time spent talking through text meant so much at the time, someone cared, someone thought about you first thing in the morning, throughout the day and before bed.

A, eventually met someone else as I wasn’t ┬áready for anything heavy, so I spent a while finding other people to talk to through said dating sites. To be fair I probably never wanted to meet most of them, but it was still company, cyber company, but still company!

A, popped back up in the new year as she was single again, we dated a couple of times, slept together once but that was that. She again met someone else, who messed her about so I became her shoulders to cry on, then out of the blue, blocked me from all media…strange bloody woman, but thank you anyway!

I suppose my message to anyone reading this going through something similiar, is never give up, yes times are shit, you may be lonely, you may even see no reason to carry on…yes, Ive been there…but there are people out there who will send that text, that will inspire you on to new things. (Just dont rely on my crush Ginge to send you one!) Ive met several really good friends on dating sites, it would never work as relationships, but friendships, hell yes, fuck sake we are all human, we all desire the same if not similiar goals in life.

I read a book recently, first one ive picked up in years, Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor E Frankl, he was a Psychologist interned in concentration camps during the second world war. Its not a holocaust story,  but the story of, despite the atrocities, explaining how men and women adapted and survived physically but above all mentally throughout it all. The book contains many useful quotes and foresights but my favourite which really stood out is,

I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. ┬áThe truth – that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.

Well it is, isnt it surely?