“I Wanna Talk Tonight, Until the Morning Light”

“You and me see how we are, you and me see how we are”….Fooking love that song, one moody song!

Well no real developments on the Ginge front, although popped in the pub at lunch yesterday for a coffee after work and she was in, dud some tree felling for the land lady today, had a quick pint when I’d finished, blow me she came in. Cant complain as I do like to oggle at her, not in a weird way or anything but she is truly gorgeous but I’m starting to think that she’ll be starting to think Im stalking her. I did send a “Morning” text first thing that she’s not read. However,¬†and I dont know why I do this to myself, gotba possible date with J over the weekend, now she does text back ūüėČ

Ive become a bit of a bugger for morning texts, I’m sure I’m not the only person that likes them, but I love recieving them as it sets me up for the day. I always send a good morning to a selection of friends each day, I hope it makes their day, it certainly makes me feel better for being nice to others.

As I now live on my own and have done now for nearly two years its still difficult to adjust to waking up on your own in an empty house. After a 17 year relationship, you get used to that first thing in the morning and last thing at night interaction. Well I say that but the number of times I slept on the settee or the spare room during those would make for an intersting comparison to establish the ratio of nights actually spent in the same bed. I remember getting 3 days of the silent treatment coupled with bunking down on the settee because as the junior fixture secretary for the Rugby club we were both involved with, I couldnt get her team a fixture at short notice due to a late cancellation of the original fixture. There were loads of other stupid incidents that also lead to the same silent treatment. Thinking about it, I may do a whole blog about them.

Back to the texting thing anyway, I spent 17 years of tucking the kids in bed and tearing my hair out trying to get them out of it in time for school as they got older. Nonetheless there was always someone there first thing in the morning, that first interaction of the day, granted some mornings they could set your day off in the wrong way, but still, human interaction. Due to the nature of my work as a self employed sports coach, some days would see me in 3 or 4 different schools, straight in teach, straight out, no real interaction. Then back home to an empty house and at the time no real close friends to meet up with.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A TEXT.

I’d started using Plenty of Fish and Zoosk, the dating sites, think Ive mentioned it in previous posts, so wont bang on about it. Strangely I found it opened a whole world of new people, some fucking odd ones, but I did meet one lady A, with whom we both clicked, loads of texting, bit of flirting, went on a few dates, bit of a snog but no further. She got me into watching box sets throughout the winter months, Game of Thrones and a couple of others. Just the time spent talking through text meant so much at the time, someone cared, someone thought about you first thing in the morning, throughout the day and before bed.

A, eventually met someone else as I wasn’t ¬†ready for anything heavy, so I spent a while finding other people to talk to through said dating sites. To be fair I probably never wanted to meet most of them, but it was still company, cyber company, but still company!

A, popped back up in the new year as she was single again, we dated a couple of times, slept together once but that was that. She again met someone else, who messed her about so I became her shoulders to cry on, then out of the blue, blocked me from all media…strange bloody woman, but thank you anyway!

I suppose my message to anyone reading this going through something similiar, is never give up, yes times are shit, you may be lonely, you may even see no reason to carry on…yes, Ive been there…but there are people out there who will send that text, that will inspire you on to new things. (Just dont rely on my crush Ginge to send you one!) Ive met several really good friends on dating sites, it would never work as relationships, but friendships, hell yes, fuck sake we are all human, we all desire the same if not similiar goals in life.

I read a book recently, first one ive picked up in years, Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor E Frankl, he was a Psychologist interned in concentration camps during the second world war. Its not a holocaust story,  but the story of, despite the atrocities, explaining how men and women adapted and survived physically but above all mentally throughout it all. The book contains many useful quotes and foresights but my favourite which really stood out is,

I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers.  The truth Рthat love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.

Well it is, isnt it surely?

Advertisements

“Aloof” He Cried!

Well day 3, post number 4 and more likes and followers, thanks guys!

Developments from yesterday,  include a shit load of facebook comments from Ginge and a late night text followed by two today! My aloofness must be working, but to be honest I did go Facebook fishing last night. For those unfamiliar with FB fishing,  its basically throwing some bait in the pond and waiting for a bite. Simply put, whack a post on that you will hopefully have seen by your intended prey, when they reply, its time to strike and hopefully land a good un!

So last night I whacked a post on about the new series of Prison Break knowing that Ginge is a big fan, wasnt long before the bite alarms went off and whack, fish on! Then there were lots of comments about the Little Boy Blue program, baited up the Facebook swim again, whack, fish on! Bit of online banter with some aloof groundbait added and wallop, a late night out of the blue text…BONUS!

So as always, I can’t resist an early morning “Good Morning” text, blow me got a couple of replies from ginge which were much more open than those in previous messages…this aloofness is starting to pay off me thinks, just need stay cool now.

Think my favourite moment from yesterday came from my neighbour Sophie, if I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I dated her sister (L) for 6 months. Anyway, Soph mentioned she’d had a text from L asking if she knew why Id blocked her Facebook, ¬†Sophie said she had no idea but made the point it may be for the best. Course it is, you hurt me you dozy mare! From what I can gather L is a little upset that because I have blocked her on Facebook, Sophies post threads no longer make sense and are uneasy to follow. What the absolute Fuck? Are you serious,?¬†It was ok to dump me and start sniffing round other blokes within days, but when it affects your sisters Facebook feed it becomes an issue. Sorry my sweet, me and the world dont work like that, I honestly sat there agog listening to that story last night, you couldnt make it up sometimes!

Last night was spent mainly texting, whilst perusing Ginges Facebook comments, to a lady from South Manchester, ¬†I’ll call her J, great conversation, lots of humour and an exchange of numbers, I reckon it might lead to a date later this week if the conversation keeps up its steady flow. ¬†See but then, this is where they anxiety kicks in, what do I do re Ginge, ¬†do I remain aloof and let her do some more running after me, or do I date J? Or even both but then that leads into trouble, possible deceit and someone getting hurt, usually me in most cases and its not really my style.

You see, what I should do I suppose is just wait it out and see what comes of either, to be fair Ginge is the one I want, stunningly attractive, bit of a looney, but I like that, I dont need another mother do I. J looks a lot of fun and from her Whatsapp photo has a great set of pins on her.

I suppose I will have to just see what the rest of today brings.

So, back to the flower story…

Second blog of the day, really starting to enjoy this now and…someone in Australia has read the last one, how about that!

So back to the stealth ninja early morning flower delivery service. Received a text at 8 the following morning,

“Did you buy me flowers?”

Me?

Yes, had flowers on my doorstep this morning

Really?

Really x

Was it you?

Well, erm might have been.

Well thank you there lovely

No problem, enjoy your day and your flowers, there is a story behind them, I’ll tell you next time you invite me round.

Ok x

Ok? Fucking OK? If you knew what I’d been through with those flowers.¬†I suppose it was nice, but where’s the bloody invite, I thought there may have been a speculative invite for a bit of tonsil tennis by reply, but no, nothing…pffft!

But we are still talking although neither of us have raised the subject, there are some brief texts flying back and to, mainly by my initiation, and a bit of banter in the bar. I’ve spoken to a couple of her friends explaining that I don’t want a girlfriend nor a relationship, just want to be friends, with maybe the odd benefit ūüėČ

Those who struggle, suffer, put up with anxiety aren’t great with time, the mind is too active, impatient, it worries, it whirrs and basically with me it manifests itself into permanently checking Facebook; which incidently she is liking and commenting on most of my postings, so could be something that.

Fuck me, why can’t I just get to talk to her, explain my intentions? She is a most gorgeous creature, a bit of a looney tune at times but then I’m no different, I’m attracted to a good looney. ¬†I understand from what I’ve picked up she’s been through the same relationship shite that I have. I always like to quote¬†“You don’t know man, you weren’t there”¬†When people have the same experiences. I also know that if she’s pushed she’ll run a mile. The anxiety doesn’t help….I WANT IT TO HAPPEN NOW! Total patience free zone me you know.

Part of me, and you can guess which one, wishes I’d not have been such a gentleman and rattled her over that weekend, don’t know why I didn’t to be fair, talk about having a devil and an angel on your shoulders!

I don’t really know which way to go now, oh hang on, Plenty of Fish, yes let’s talk to some random stranger, yeah cos that’ll really uncomplicate things won’t it! So after sending dozens of “Hi theres” one fucking reply, to be fair she’s nice, but fuck me what a site that is!

Surely if you’re on a dating site, you’re there to find dates, meet equally minded people, socialise. It may as well be Harrods shop window.

Hi my names Sharon, I like this, that, this, that and don’t like anything apart from what I like and if you text me I’ll be rude enough not to reply. I mean WTF?

Now I’m no Tom Cruise but I’m no minger either, so how do you start an online conversation? Same as you do in a bar surely, Hi, not would you like me to tell you my whole fucking life story and impress you with my dazzling intellect whilst you listen intently, mouth agog and getting warm in your nethers! Hey lady, why dont you meet half way, hold a decent two way conversation and build slowly, ¬†after all it is a free dating site, not sugardaddy.com!

Ha, holy fuck, yes, that reminds me. I signed up to another dating site thinking it was a bit more up market, had a look around, liked the layout, easy to complete details, bla de blah, could be on a winner here! So I signed up/paid for a month, more mooching around on the upgraded features, lets look at whos local.

The next 5 minutes combusted in to complete anxiety over load, there was smoke literally blowing out of my ears and in fact pretty much every orrifice belowed smoke akin to the flying scotsman at full bore, my arse litterally dropped out of my pants.

What caused this explosion of panic! I hear you ask…the one and only ex of 18 years, the one who stops my kids from seeing me, stalks my social media and to be fair could single handidly replace the polar ice caps, yes she is that cold!

The woman who swore she would never demean herself on internet sites. To be fair though she did look quite good and set my heart pounding. Shes a nutter and I do sort of miss her, ¬†a bit like toothache mind. You have never seen anyone try and find the unsubscribe button as fast as i did, it must have been some kind of world record, tablet, laptop, phone, all on the go…where is it, where’s the fucking delete button?

I did have a giggle to myself after though, plus a sertraline tablet and a few pints. Trouble is now shes now worked herself a little space in my head which she doesnt deserve.

Any road up thats enough for today, got loads more to go at over the coming days weeks and months.

 

 

 

Further Ramblings

So I managed to not send any drunk messages for the last two days….result. I did think about it, allow me to elaborate.

I’ve been chasing the most gorgeous red haired bar maid in the local pub since I first started going in over a year ago. Asked her out on dates, sportsman’s dinner etc, anyway always got an excuse or a point blank no, we always remained friends though. So I left it alone and embarked on finding someone else which I did for 6 months. When this relationship ended recently I spoke with “Ginge” (only a ginger can call another ginger) and she was quite shocked that I’d split with my girlfriend as, she said we looked good together, which we did to be fair. She also passed comment that, my ex “had fucked up”. To be honest I did raise an eye brow but paid it no further heed than that.

Anyway, ¬†couple of weeks later and following another mad Sunday Funday in the pub (Sunday afternoons are just the best in my local) I was asked by another member of staff if I’d walk home Ginge and another girl. Being a complete gentleman and chivalrous to a fault I agreed. Dropped the first girl off round the corner, then BAM, jumped on by Ginge. I have to admit we were both drunk, which was more than evident when we both ended up sprawled all over the road after a failed piggy back attempt.

So finally back to hers, took us 45 minutes to get in as we couldn’t find the right door key. Got in, smooch on the settee and ended up in bed. Coming back to the gentleman that I am, it was evident that sex was definitely on the cards, however, I have too much respect for her for just a one night bang.

Just to end the Sunday night episode, loads of cuddling, pillow talk etc and we were both really comfortable in each others company. Blimey I even stayed till dinner time which is very unlike me as I’m usually off like a shot in the mornings. Walked her to work, agreed to pop in later and arranged a dinner date. Honestly skipped home, it was definitely no walk of shame!

Monday night, called for a pint, stayed out most of night with her, back to hers similar script to the previous night, again couldn’t get in the bloody house, again sex on the cards, again, too much of a gentleman. There was some fumbling in the morning and could have gone further, but stayed till dinner, skipped home!

Tuesday, ¬†got invited round, spent all evening till 9 with the kids and a couple of her friends, halfway home, got a text “do you want to come back, I need a cuddle”. What did I do? Went home due to an early start the next day, what a plonker!

Thursday, went for a pint and that’s when it all started to go in reverse, she totally backed off….totally the weirdest thing ever. But there is a definite spark there.

Flowers, I love buying flowers, so finished work, nipped to the local florist, asked for 20 quids worth. Blow me this bunch of flowers were about 3 foot tall, I ended up having to put 2 bing bags on them as I had to walk a mile home. I didnt think that one through did I?

Got the flowers home, stuffed them in water, then as reality kicked in, how the hell am I going to give them to her? As I suffer from anxiety, ¬†this started to weigh on my mind and went to bed a little unsettled. Prior to this though, I’d had Google maps up, looking for entrance and exit points,do I drive, cycle, walk, use the alleyways, walk a loop and so on, you get the picture.

The beauty of anxiety, yeah right, allows you to wake up at stupid of clock with all manner of stupid thoughts and ideas running around your head. Three thirty in the morning, “oh I know I’ll take them now.” So like some deranged Milk Tray man, there’s me walking the streets with a 3 foot bunch of flowers covered in a bin liner, wearing trackies and a hoody! Just glad the local constabulary weren’t about, looked like I was disposing of body parts.

Got there, bloody lights were on, Id already whipped the bag off and made sure the anonymous card was still where it should be a few yards from the door. Placed them on the step and got my arse up the street like a ninja in stealth mode.

I did get a text the following morning but I’ll go in to that in my next blog. I’m not sure if I was proud of myself, or have finally reached the conclusion I’m a bit of a nob head!