Why Cant I Wake With You?

So you’re there when i open my eyes.

Well Im back for another post after another alcohol fueled weekend. Some of it I can remember,  other bits are still being uploaded to Facebook for my amusement!

So, those following previous posts will know all about Ginge, fuck me she is gorgeous, but one fucked up individual and Im really struggling to get to see her on her own to explain my intentons. I dont want a relationship, nor a girlfriend, nor even I suppose a fuck buddy, more a best friend with cuddles and company.

Friday we were both out, plenty of chat, beer, game of pool, then she just pissed off with her mates about 11.45, again another chance gone. As usual…it was drunk text time! I really dont know why I do it to myself but I sent a ” I want to wake up with you” text. She never read it until sometime the following morning and never replied. I gave myself a bit of a bollocking and swore not to do it again…yeah right!

That was Friday,  I staggered home absolutely wankered, managed to get undressed and passed out on the bed waking up Saturday not actually remembering where I was….”Youre at home you massive nob!” I decided, once the hangover had started to clear to go to watch the local football team in their play off final. I’d not been to watch for years as K frowned upon football and if she didn’t like something it meant no one else was allowed to like it either!

The game was good and they won meaning they gain promotion to the next level. I suppose I could class it as another step to getting myself back together again and replacing/re-engaging with things I used to enjoy doing that I was stopped from doing over the years. It was good to do something different too, plus I bumped into a load of lads I used to play there with, a good afternoon all in all. However it wasnt the last of the days unexpected ” Ive not seen you for a bit”

Dropped the car at home afterwards and wandered up to the pub with no real intentions for the evening, just a case of see how it goes, plus I was feeling a bit rough so a hair of the dog was most certainly called for. Sophie came in fresh from the nail salon…”I need a word” Oh for fucks sake, when you get the nod from Sophie its probably akin to being summoned by the headmaster in front of a wholes school assembly!!!

The word was that L had dumped her latest boyfriend and was coming to the pub and wanted to know what my plans were for the evening.  “Well its like this, if shes coming out, Im not!” Woofed my second pint down, arranged to put the boxing on at my house later on and shot off to Bargain Booze for the evenings supplies and then to the Chinese for extra hangover curage. Whilst stood waiting for my order, nonchalantly staring through the window, who runs past but L, her knee has obviously got better then.

Now I dont dislike her, but she hurt me when she ended our relationship, made promises she didnt keep and was then dating within weeks of us splitting up…she called it a distraction tactic to take her mind off me….what a load of bollocks. Being honest my heart jumped a bit as I turned away to avoid any eye contact. Blow me just as my order hits the counter and Im about to leave the shop, she runs back past again, no fucking idea why, as its a circuit from her house. This time couldn’t avoid eye contact but I did move very slowly from the shop to allow her enough time to run far enough in front. Like I  say i dont really dislike her,  just dont want to see her.

I got home, in a much straighter line than the night before and chilled for the night, got the boxing on and waited for Dave and Sophie to arrive for the main event. Sophle turned up, totall wankered and Dave a few minutes later. Soon as Sophie sat down, her phone was going off..it was L with a couple of others, “Come back to the pub” This went on for quite a while, in the end she turned her phone off as it was getting ridculous.

We watched the fight and stayed up til the early hours putting the world to rights in our own way, we managed to get Sophie up and out of the door and I cimbed into  bed…BING…phone went off, I thought, oh that’ll be Sophie, to my total suprise and delight it wasn’t…it was Ginge!

Very unexpected indeed, asking if I was ok, said she’d only just read last nights text…..strange that as it was showing as read Saturday morning. I suppose I should find hope in the fact that at that time of night she was thinking of me and actually text me first rather than vice versa. A brief chat ensued, from what I’m picking up she has serious low self esteem issues and forms a very low opinion of herself. I tried to convince her that she was none of those things she said she was, she is definitely not a “Total twat bitch face” as she described herself. I retorted that she is a “Bloody good mum, damn hard worker, great personality, look fucking stunning and play hard, I mean whats wrong with any of that?” Anyway she nodded off after a few more texts.
f743a0663b5ecd5db55dc9bc2d3763532cac41e336e2924e559c29298c681459

I really should give up on it, but every time I back off, she comes forward, I just want her to understand that I dont want a relationship, nor a girlfriend. Its obvious I cant talk to her in the pub as thats her place of work and play and she closes up, then I just clam up and cant come up with any meaningful conversation. I am literally lost for words she is that stunning in my eyes. I just want to get her on her own and explain, its doing my head in and anxiety is back up….FFS! I just need to switch her off in my head!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s