Second blog of the day, really starting to enjoy this now and…someone in Australia has read the last one, how about that!
So back to the stealth ninja early morning flower delivery service. Received a text at 8 the following morning,
“Did you buy me flowers?”
Yes, had flowers on my doorstep this morning
Was it you?
Well, erm might have been.
Well thank you there lovely
No problem, enjoy your day and your flowers, there is a story behind them, I’ll tell you next time you invite me round.
Ok? Fucking OK? If you knew what I’d been through with those flowers. I suppose it was nice, but where’s the bloody invite, I thought there may have been a speculative invite for a bit of tonsil tennis by reply, but no, nothing…pffft!
But we are still talking although neither of us have raised the subject, there are some brief texts flying back and to, mainly by my initiation, and a bit of banter in the bar. I’ve spoken to a couple of her friends explaining that I don’t want a girlfriend nor a relationship, just want to be friends, with maybe the odd benefit 😉
Those who struggle, suffer, put up with anxiety aren’t great with time, the mind is too active, impatient, it worries, it whirrs and basically with me it manifests itself into permanently checking Facebook; which incidently she is liking and commenting on most of my postings, so could be something that.
Fuck me, why can’t I just get to talk to her, explain my intentions? She is a most gorgeous creature, a bit of a looney tune at times but then I’m no different, I’m attracted to a good looney. I understand from what I’ve picked up she’s been through the same relationship shite that I have. I always like to quote “You don’t know man, you weren’t there” When people have the same experiences. I also know that if she’s pushed she’ll run a mile. The anxiety doesn’t help….I WANT IT TO HAPPEN NOW! Total patience free zone me you know.
Part of me, and you can guess which one, wishes I’d not have been such a gentleman and rattled her over that weekend, don’t know why I didn’t to be fair, talk about having a devil and an angel on your shoulders!
I don’t really know which way to go now, oh hang on, Plenty of Fish, yes let’s talk to some random stranger, yeah cos that’ll really uncomplicate things won’t it! So after sending dozens of “Hi theres” one fucking reply, to be fair she’s nice, but fuck me what a site that is!
Surely if you’re on a dating site, you’re there to find dates, meet equally minded people, socialise. It may as well be Harrods shop window.
Hi my names Sharon, I like this, that, this, that and don’t like anything apart from what I like and if you text me I’ll be rude enough not to reply. I mean WTF?
Now I’m no Tom Cruise but I’m no minger either, so how do you start an online conversation? Same as you do in a bar surely, Hi, not would you like me to tell you my whole fucking life story and impress you with my dazzling intellect whilst you listen intently, mouth agog and getting warm in your nethers! Hey lady, why dont you meet half way, hold a decent two way conversation and build slowly, after all it is a free dating site, not sugardaddy.com!
Ha, holy fuck, yes, that reminds me. I signed up to another dating site thinking it was a bit more up market, had a look around, liked the layout, easy to complete details, bla de blah, could be on a winner here! So I signed up/paid for a month, more mooching around on the upgraded features, lets look at whos local.
The next 5 minutes combusted in to complete anxiety over load, there was smoke literally blowing out of my ears and in fact pretty much every orrifice belowed smoke akin to the flying scotsman at full bore, my arse litterally dropped out of my pants.
What caused this explosion of panic! I hear you ask…the one and only ex of 18 years, the one who stops my kids from seeing me, stalks my social media and to be fair could single handidly replace the polar ice caps, yes she is that cold!
The woman who swore she would never demean herself on internet sites. To be fair though she did look quite good and set my heart pounding. Shes a nutter and I do sort of miss her, a bit like toothache mind. You have never seen anyone try and find the unsubscribe button as fast as i did, it must have been some kind of world record, tablet, laptop, phone, all on the go…where is it, where’s the fucking delete button?
I did have a giggle to myself after though, plus a sertraline tablet and a few pints. Trouble is now shes now worked herself a little space in my head which she doesnt deserve.
Any road up thats enough for today, got loads more to go at over the coming days weeks and months.